Relapse (2010)

A tendency towards sadness, 

An addiction to the pain, 

She hates herself to spite herself, 

Which brings the hatred on again.

A relationship that’s killing her, 

Slowly, through and through, 

Self sabotage and camouflage, 

It’s all she ever knew. 

Hide it with a smile,

Numb it with a drink, 

Deny, deny, deny,

Bring it to the brink. 

Effective, yet unsustainable, 

It worked just for a moment, 

Until her heart could hold no more,

It burst, she had to own it. 

Reality came crashing down, 

The behavior had to change, 

So she did and it was then, 

Life began to re-arrange. 

From outside in, improvements came, 

But slowed at surface deep, 

Behavior’s easy, mind less so, 

The demons wouldn’t sleep. 

I try… she tries, to let them go, 

To banish them away, 

But the voices continue on and on:

“You need us: Let us stay.”

It’s always so much easier, 

To go towards what you know,

So as before, she does just that.  

And on and on it goes….